Sunday, May 25, 2014

Child Like Faith

When you are going through convictions in your life you always feel like you are the only one going through them and especially alone. My convictions are not the work of the devil or anything going bad in my life, but maybe just not listening to what Gods will for me is. So in all actuality it probably has the devils backing in the end, but for now I am going to tell you about my convictions and what is going on in order to let you all know that you are also not alone.

In 2005 as College became more of a reality for me I got accepted to a couple different ones and was super excited about my future. I was going to be an architect and build log homes and eventually offer to build non-profit homes. I have always wanted to help people and everything I have ever thought about as a young lady in High School never seemed to be enough. What better way to give back to people and help them then to serve my country. I did not have a single clue as to how to even pay for college. No real guidance or mentorship at all to get to my goals for the future. I knew that the Air Force would allow me so many great things such as an education, medical, dental, a paycheck, a great career, as well as the satisfaction of serving my country and the pride that comes from that. I was in high school when 9/11 happened, and at first did not know much about the military besides the little bit from my dad being in the Marine Corps.

Fast forward to present day and where I am. I have an associates degree in Intelligence Studies and Technology and a Bachelors of Arts in Business Analysis and Management. I completed my BA January 2014 after being in the AF for just over 8 years. You would think at this point in my career after being very successful and getting my education that I should be very happy to move up in the ranks in the AF and move on with my career. It has been a very difficult couple years for me as a wife, mother, military member, and even christian. Difficult as in hard for me to find my identity within all of these. My husband is also in the AF as a Security Forces member (military police) and his job is typically a lot more demanding them mine is since we have had a child. The odds of that staying like that are very slim.

This leads to me doing somethings that are not just about me, but about my family as well as that dream of helping other people! These are the questions I ask myself all the time. Is the comfort of the military and my current job enough to satisfy me for what I want to do and who I want to be (both personally and professionally)? Can I go an do something else, which will require less pay starting out as well as a lot more schooling? Will it make me happier? How can I make the stability better for my family who are military? But more importantly is this what God wants me to do?

I was accepted for a job that is EXTREMELY competitive and one of a kind for the AF overall. In the end they could not find a job out there for my husband and because of that the job was canceled. I am not sure why God had me go through an intense interview process for the end result to be that we did not get it, but I do know that he has His reasons. And knowing that God has something else planned for us was a hard pill to swallow, because I "knew" this was a great job and an awesome experience for me. In the end I allowed God to take control and do what we need to do to make sure He was in control. It took me awhile and a lot of strength from my husband in order to understand that God has this.

My convictions today are answering those questions above and living for Gods Will. This day in age it seems almost impossible to do without sacrificing something of yourself or your family. How selfish does that sound? God sacrificed His ONLY son in order to show us his LOVE. I wish in everything that I still had that child like faith and just "knew" it would all work out according to His plan. For me to sit and write it as if I actually do it would be hypocritical of me…. so I sit here today telling you that I do not listen to God to read his word nearly as much as I should. However, that is exactly why I am writing this today to share with you the things that are going on in my life at just like your life. How amazing would it be to live like Paul did in Acts 21-22? He NEVER once doubted what God had planned even while his own friends wept over him leaving to be burnt and killed. I would not be human if I never questioned or doubted Gods plans for me, but by not even giving him a chance would be like I am not faithful in His plan for me. I learned today that you live for two things: to love God and to love others. Being here on Earth has nothing to do with YOU! While listening to that today at first I did not understand what that meant, but it brought me right back to my current day convictions….

These are leaving the military after 9 years of only knowing it as an adult, going into grad school to work on becoming a Marriage and Family Therapist (3-4 years of school) and soon after my PhD in order to work in areas that I can reach a lot more people in a very personal field. All the while trying to expand my family (currently have 1 child). This would mean full time student, full time stay at home mom, full time stay at home wife, and with very little income on my part. I would take on LITERALLY a whole new life. It takes some serious faith and prayers in order to make decisions like these. ~OR~ Do I stay in the military, make an it a career, go on to maybe do wonderful things for my country alongside my husband? While at the same time leaving my children to far away lands and not being able to get grad school done at all. I could rock the AF, but at what cost to my family and to others that God may want me to reach… I cannot answer either question until God gives me the answer!

My plan is to have that child like faith in the lord and let him lead me…. I believe that in order to get to this point I must read His word and let it lead me to where HE wants me to be. I CHALLENGE each and everyone of you to take out your bibles read a little, pray constantly and open your hearts to God and just know HE has something planned specially for you!

God Bless

~Victoria Clouse

"Read Gods Word; He WILL lead you to where you are to be" - Michael (LifeSpring Church Midtown)

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